Intrigued by all the posturing and promising currently abound in Westminster and the increasing possibility of another General Election, I was inspired to take a break from writing Poems for the People in order to write one for the politicians.


Political Appeal


I’m watching you

An announced candidacy and a strong confident wave

I’ve seen this show before

A handshake with past party leaders and a practised smile as the camera pops

I know exactly what you’re going to do

A suitably-proud spouse and well-groomed kids carefully placed to strike a pose

Assemble the pawns and arrange the pieces

First a cheery greeting from the polished door of a garish bus with a brazen slogan

Here we go

Now surround yourself with placards and a well-drilled army of on-cue applauders

I feel familiar angst return

Then spout repeated practised soundbites and shamelessly flip every unwelcome question

The jagged bile is rising 

Promptly proceed to pub to pull the pint then bend and kiss the bemused and innocent baby

Savage inner torment

Next dash to a party-amenable school where infants can be visited and read a familiar story

Intense cranial pounding

Fast forward to the factory floor to pour praise upon strictly-corralled blue-collared workers

Twisting claw behind my eyeball

Proceed to pop to a friendly cafe and launch a boisterous attempt on the totemic bacon sarnie

Acute watery diarrhoea 

All the while remembering to repeat the oh-so-important all-encompassing promise of change

Dire fear of bladder prolapse 

Stay focused. Maintain message. Cower behind the comfort of clichés.

Or don’t.

Please don’t.

Don’t do any of it.

Just don’t.

None of it.