Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. They fall in love. No one gets hurt. The End. No, hang on, life’s surely not that simple. This story certainly isn’t. Here’s what happens – Robert loves Rebecca. Rebecca loves Robert. Damien seduces Rebecca. Robert begins to unravel. Mark Twain cannot always be contacted. Rebecca gets angry. Emma gets naked. The Count of Monte Cristo is entertaining visitors in the toilets at the British Museum. Huck and Jim are carefree and drifting. George is garishly sharing his preference. Liam is carefully avoiding his brogues. Sis is off to Gibraltar. Eric is off to a party and that white pigeon may be a red herring.

Hmm, well that’s all part of it but there’s an awful lot more, let’s see -Heartbreak has triggered confusion. Monty is rapidly ailing. Christmas has proven awkward. Dad is dead and his poem is banned. Disciplinary meetings are not progressing as planned and now Robert’s receiving cryptic existential advice whilst shivering in the bathtub.

According to Mark is not about two mates meandering majestically on a rickety raft on the mighty Mississippi; rather a devastated Horatio Robert Foxley joins forces with his literary hero, trusted confidante and newly-assumed best friend, Mark Twain, to embark on a breakneck broken-hearted quest encompassing many of the cruel, caustic and uncaring quarters of contemporary London. It is an adventure triggered by a profound love and infused with humour, pain and grave danger. It is a journey that will prove impossible to forget.