June 1st 2020
A Flake, Two Sugars and a Step Toward Victory
Latest UK Lockdown Rules: Getting a bit confusing.
Which means it has led to many highbrow conversations along the lines of current perceived difficulties with regard to the latest easing advice and suggestion of beneficial pro-active additions to policy moving forward:
I overheard one:
‘It’s a bit of a curious one when you think about it. Lovers who have been separated by lockdown can now meet up but they will still have to socially distance. ‘
‘Yes, very bizarre. A new era short-distance relationship. In many ways that’s got to be more challenging than the traditional long-distance relationship.’
‘Conducting a 2-metre romance?’
‘Yes. In sight but still out of reach.’
‘Reunited and yet still very much apart.’
‘Freed to love again but not as they knew it.’
‘Finally, a liaison in the flesh. But not of the flesh.’
‘Scientific advice advocating the cruellest of torments.’
‘Yes, it does seem somewhat unkind. Hard to imagine too.’
‘True. Hands behind backs and keep any twitchy puckering lips to yourself.’
‘Walk around the sun-kissed lake blissfully together yet a good three steps removed.’
‘Stare into my eyes across the six-foot picnic blanket but don’t lean in with expectation.’
‘Enjoy your meal, hand-gel your fingers, bow a sincere namaste then nod a chaste goodbye.’
‘Blowing a breathless kiss across the divide. I imagine it’s going to prove very difficult to enforce.’
‘Yes. Maybe there could be government chaperones in order to compel adherence to the rules?’
‘Good idea. Perhaps the furloughed could be re-employed as fervent fun-reducers?’
‘Armed with high voltage cattle prods and buckets of icy water.’
‘And henceforth Bromide will be sold by the ice-cream vans.’
‘Like they gave to frontline troops in the First World War?’
‘Yes. To reduce the distraction of their sexual desire.’
‘That’s genius. I can imagine the scenario –
“Yes sir, certainly madam. I’ll sell you a 99 and I’ll also provide a cup of this to douse any thought of a sixty ni…”
‘Eloquently put. But yes, it’s certain to work – a flake, two sugars and victory over the virus!’
